I just turned 23 & I feel like my time is running out
the only fear I have is the passing of time
“The future depends on what we do in the present.” — Mahatma Gandhi
The truth is, I’ve always struggled with birthdays.
When I was younger, I used to think, “It’s OK. My life will be perfect when I’m 18.”
I turned 18 and life was great, but it wasn’t perfect.
“I’ll have everything figured out when I’m 21.”
I turned 21 and I realized I had nothing figured out at all.
As I grew older, I cared less about “figuring everything out” (I don’t think anyone ever has anything truly “figured out”) and instead began to think, “I’m running out of time to accomplish everything I want to do,” which is another problem altogether.
Not many things scare me, but time passing does. I’m scared one day I’ll wake up and I’ll be 75 and realize I have not lived at all.
23 is so unbelievably young in the grand scheme of things. “You have your whole life ahead of you,” everyone tells me consolingly, and I hear their words but don’t really listen.
Sure, maybe I do have years and years. But I’m easily caught up in the little things that don’t make a difference because it makes me feel “productive.”
I spend my time dreaming about the future and pondering the past, and forget that the present is what we live in, and therefore, what truly matters.
My mission in life is to make a positive impact on as many people as possible, and that’s what’s driven my Instagram accounts, my blog, my fitness journey, my full-time job, and even this Medium account.
It’s like shouting into a void, though.
How do you know if you’ve impacted anyone at all? Especially on Instagram, where I may have 12K+ followers, but the algorithm and my too-busy life drops my engagement.
Especially in life, where I may have 1K+ connections, but does anyone tell anyone else “you’ve made me a stronger/happier/healthier/better person” anymore?
Someone said that life is only a summation of relationships, and that your energy is transferred into each and every one of those relationships.
You impact every single person you meet, even if it’s only for a moment. Even if it’s not very much.
As we age, that network only expands. We build more relationships as we grow.
We cannot let busyness push aside these relationships. We must cultivate the ones that matter, let go of the ones that no longer serve us, and bring a positive energy to as many as we can.
So what can we do to feel less like we’re on a morbid march toward death and more on a path to enlightenment? What can we do to measure the impact we’ve made on those around us?
There’s no easy answer to that — impact is not quantitative. Who knows if what enlightenment even is?
But what I’ve come to find (after many long talks with those older and wiser and many long sessions of solo crying), is that there are a couple of actionable items.
1. Reflect
They say hindsight is 20/20. It’s helpful to use hindsight to count your blessings rather than your regrets.
It doesn’t have to be journaling every day, but a gratitude journal where you write down one good thing that happened every day can help. It can be on the Notes section on your phone. It can be on scrap pieces of paper you save in a glass jar. It can be in a planner (I love my Passion Planner because it basically prompts you to do this).
Daily reflections help you see on a micro level, but monthly or quarterly reflections allow you to see on the macro. You’ll see how much has happened in a month, a couple of months, a year.
The daily reflections help you appreciate the little things, while the long-term reflections help you see and appreciate change.
2. Be Present
This is slightly hypocritical coming from someone who takes absurd joy in planning out her days/weeks/months/years, but it is helpful. My way of being present is to stop worrying about the future.
Sure, I can plan it, but I’ve stopped worrying about 1) what the future holds, 2) things I have to do in the future, 3) how other people will react to things I do.
Sometimes it’s just drawing my mind back from the rabbit hole of “what-ifs” that it likes to fall into and bringing to back to the present moment.
Sometimes it’s putting my phone/laptop/book/journal aside and just being.
3. Be Intentional
At the beginning of each Corepower yoga class, we are taught to set an intention for practice.
What I say to my students:
An intention is a word, a phrase, a mantra, maybe even a person. It’s what you use to drive not only your practice, but how you live your life.
This intention is important because it gives our practice a purpose. Practice without purpose is useless; practice with purpose helps you grow.
Similarly, beginning each day or each task with an intention (this can also be a goal), can help ensure that you accomplish at least one thing you wanted to, the way you wanted to.
It doesn’t have to be a to-do list item. It can be to stress less, to breathe more, to smile more, to practice kindness, to tell yourself you’re beautiful and strong.
I have stepped into 23 with these three things in mind. Here’s to another year of loving, living, learning, and growing a little more.
